Already a month since my last stay at home check in. And I'm sad/angry to say that things look even worse here in Arizona. I remember how at the beginning of staying at home our case numbers were in the hundreds (well probably greater since testing was not and still is not where it should be). How cute is that to think that hundreds of cases warranted staying at home? And now Arizona has thousands of new cases per day and yet we are essentially open for business while there is no state-level mandate for masks. The governor did order bars and gyms to close but at least one gym chain is refusing to close and with restaurants still open it all seems half-hearted. There are county and city-level mask regulations so hopefully that will help. It just seems like it would be a stronger order if it was coming from the state.

It seems our state and federal government are going to ignore the fact that there's a global pandemic. And also Kanye is running for president?? Honest question for you: are we living in The Twilight Zone? That's really the only explanation that I have.

Given numbers we continue to stay at home, only have Chris get groceries although I have done a few curbside Target pick ups, and only see my sister-in-law and her family. My in-laws are being super conservative (which I think is really smart!) and so we have only seen them for a few backyard hangouts. We really miss seeing them. I also listened to a podcast that explained why experts are thinking the virus might be a vascular disease and not respiratory which sounds scarier to me.

This month my parents had planned to visit and stay at their Arizona house if numbers weren't too bad. Well, surprise, that trip is cancelled. My dad hasn't been able to meet Maeve and that makes me sad. Also the fact that my parents have a second home here now which should have meant we saw them a lot more. Instead we don't know when we'll see each other again. Before numbers started exploding here I did suggest to my mom that maybe they could travel here, get tested, and then we could see each other after negative test results. But the numbers are so bad here, plus in Texas too where they would be traveling from, that it doesn't feel worth the risk.

picking up library books | reading Harry Potter to the crew | happy girl | working on something for their virtual Hogwarts camp

A big change in our household since my last update is that Chris's parental leave ended and so he's working again. But just commuting to the home office! We thought he would have to go into the office one day per week but his dean is allowing him to continue to work from home. We are hoping that he can continue to do so indefinitely. If universities all went online in March how could they look at numbers now and insist on in-person instruction? Again: Twilight Zone. Luckily Chris was already slated to teach online-only this semester even before the pandemic. Hopefully he'll able to secure an online class for the spring as well.

With Chris back to work there have been some days where I haven't felt like a great parent to the boys because I've held Maeve all day leaving them to play on their own. Although I know I really don't need to feel bad. They're playing together nicely most of the time. Plus some boredom is good for them. I was stressing myself out a bit over the fact that Maeve isn't napping in her crib which gives me less bandwidth for the boys. But chatting with our sleep coach about it made me feel much better. She said that after four months it'll be much easier to transition Maeve to her crib for naps which will align nicely with the start of distance learning. So I'll enjoy another month of holding our sweet baby for naps and will trust that soon enough I'll have some hands-free time every day.

Until then I'm wearing Maeve for her morning nap which lets me be with the boys. Then for her afternoon nap(s) sometimes Chris is able to wear her and work. Or after spending time with the boys in the morning I don't feel as bad about being in Maeve's room with her for a long afternoon nap. I know that in a few months I'll look back at this time when I though so much about Maeve's not napping in her crib and realize is was such a short-lived worry! I'm enjoying having that perspective as a seasoned parent. I did have an amazing parenting day recently when I wore Maeve for all her naps and felt really engaged with the boys and that was a great feeling.

front yard trees getting so big (for comparison) | werewolf Wednesday | musical training has begun

Interestingly within the past couple of weeks I've felt happier generally and I'm wondering if it's my hormones balancing. It seems to align with my thick, luscious pregnancy hair starting to fall out (boo!) so there's definitely something hormonal going on. Perhaps also it's that the boys are playing well together and we've made it through the transition of Chris returning to work and it's all been fine. I'm even almost kind of looking forward to the boys distance learning this year – what?! Life feels full and happy within the walls of our house. I still wish we could see family and friends but it does feel like we're making the most of this time.

We've enrolled the boys in the online program for a local charter school that is connected to ASU. Our district is also offering a fully online program but doesn't have as many details available and it seems that students wouldn't meet with their teachers daily which is what worked best for my boys' in the spring. I'm hopeful that it will be an engaging program. And that it's for this year only.

Let's see maybe perhaps the last thing is that I'm finding myself kind of enjoying at-home workouts. Which is really surprising to me because previously I thought that working out at home would just not work for me. This past week Chris and I discovered the Peloton app and we are obsessed! I know some of you recommended it. I had no idea they had so much content! Or that there were live running classes or features letting you see who else was taking a class at the same time. I'm finding all of that so motivating and it's fun to look forward to workouts. So far I've done runs and strength training with it.

I think those are the life notes to share right now. I hope you all are doing okay. This is a weird time and it's okay to feel whatever you are feeling. Look for the little daily joys, reach out to friends and family, and remember that we're in this together.