At first I titled this post "March Wrap Up" and was so confused for several seconds to see that I've already written that post. What day is it? What month is it?
April 2020 was a month of significance: Ten years of marriage. Welcoming our daughter, Maeve Elizabeth. Becoming a family of five. A full month of self-isolating because of a global pandemic. At times life has felt the happiest it’s ever been but then also hard and weird. I felt a range of emotions last month from impatient waiting for Maeve; overjoyed to finally be holding her; nostalgic for pregnancy and the birth; frustrated that we can’t see family; so in love with Chris and appreciative of all that he is doing to take care of me and our family; so proud of the boys being such good brothers and adjusting to this new weird normal; stir crazy; sleep deprived; in awe of my body; overwhelmed (with love, by all the things I want to do but don't have the free hands for right now, by the noise and energy of the boys); and a few other emotions I’m sure.
Life feels very much one day at a time right now, and probably would be anyways with a baby, but even more so because of covid-19. As a planner that can be hard for me. I think I usually start to feel a bit stir crazy and eager to get back to routines at around three weeks postpartum. I can lean into a lack of routine and just sitting and holding a precious baby for a while. But then I start to want at least a little predictability and semblances of normal. But what is normal now?
By this point I probably would have taken Maeve to Trader Joe's to introduce her around there and we would have gone to a few meetings of an in-person breastfeeding support group. I feel sad that I can't do these things and I'm not sure when I'll be able to. I have done two virtual meetings of the breastfeeding support group but I do miss actually being with people.
In reflecting on these feelings of frustration and lack of control I'm thinking of the sage advice of focusing on what I can control. I can't control when it will be safe to return to normal life (we are seriously wondering if we'll feel safe sending the boys back to school in August - ??). But I can look for more predictable rhythms in our home life as Maeve takes a few naps in her crib, as I ease back into exercise, and as I get a little more sleep.
I can also focus on all the GOOD things. April brought many and I'll be looking for more good things and for magic (my word for 2020) in May.
Good things in April:
+ Maeve! The best good thing. She is perfect and precious (as your baby always is). The birth was as peaceful and empowering as I had hoped. Being a mama to three feels so right and I’m over the moon to have a daughter. Also, girl clothes are very fun.
+ At home overnight dates. Courtesy of my mom being in town and of my sister-in-law. The extra time with Chris before and after Maeve arrived has been so restorative.
+ Iced coffee. Chris brings me an iced cold brew decaf coffee every morning and it mostly melts away the fog of being up so much at night.
+ Rewatching The Office. Such a comfort perfect for infant or self isolation days.
+ Eating all the food. After having terrible heartburn and reflux through most of my pregnancy it has been wonderful to eat to my heart's content: Take out pizza, homemade pizza, the best soft batch cookies, breakfast takeout from The Coffee Shop and Uprooted Kitchen.
+ Virtual book club meeting. I wouldn't have been able to go to an in-person meeting plus a member that moved away was able to join us.
+ Spontaneous pizza picnic dinner. We found a lovely neighborhood park and even ran into friends (at a safe distance).
+ Our front yard in bloom
How are you, friends? What's hard right now? What's good? Hope you are hanging in there.