Last weekend did not go according to plan. In a very big way. Instead of a day date to celebrate our anniversary and a cheerful Easter egg hunt on Sunday, Cedric was admitted to the Phoenix Children's Hospital with indications of a serious illness on Friday night. Thankfully (thankfully!) throughout our two night stay at the hospital Cedric was never in life-threatening condition and remained comfortable and happy. Although he had symptoms of a serious condition he continued to nurse and sleep and smile even as Chris and I were sick with worry.
For 24 hours while we waited for tests results to give us some answers we grappled with possibilities that I couldn't even say out loud. It was the most worried and scared and vulnerable I've ever felt, especially as a parent, and it is something you feel in your bones and in your blood. On Friday night I didn't sleep. I held my tiny sleeping Cedric as he nursed and received treatment through an IV. I whispered encouragements of strength and love that I hoped were enveloping and protecting him. I had to believe that they were because that's all I could do.
On Sunday we received news of positive test results and were able to do the very best thing you can do at a children's hospital: leave. On our way out we walked by rooms of other children who were not leaving the hospital and I had a very small understanding of what the parents of those children must be enduring. I felt sick.
The very good news is that Cedric is doing great and all signs point to this being a one-time incident that should not affect him again. He'll get weekly check-ups just to be sure but Chris and I are feeling so relieved and the knots in our stomachs have subsided.
Even as I'm rejoicing in Cedric's health I am remembering what it felt like to face very scary possibilities and I know that there are parents who face that reality everyday. They love their children as much as I love my boys and their children deserve a happy, healthy childhood as much as my boys do. I'm not sure what else to say except that truly my heart goes out to any of you if have faced something like this.
I know this is a heavy post but I wanted to share what's been going on. I'm eager to get back to normal, routine life, which seems even more beautiful now.
Wishing you a peaceful weekend.