Yesterday morning I went on a run and it totally sucked. But let me back up.
Before going back to work I was starting to get back to an exercise routine and was fitting in 1-4 workouts per week (spin class and running) . And it felt great; I was surprised at how much I was enjoying running even though I'm heavier and slower than I used to be. I think it just felt great to be doing something again that is an important part of my identity.
Now that I'm back to work my exercise routine has been one spin class on the best weeks. I can give you all kinds of excuses. I'm tired from getting up 2-4 times per night and from having days packed full with baby care and work. It's hard to find the time since from the minute I get up to the moment I go to bed there's always a baby to hold (which is an awesome way to spend your moments), work to focus on (when I'm at the office), bottles to wash, an extra pumping session to fit in (so Dash has enough to eat the next day at daycare), etc. etc. But it boils down to this: Exercising is important to me because it keeps me healthy, it relieve stress, and it's part of who I am. It's unlikely my life will become less busy than it already is. So I just need to suck it up and find the time, even if I'm tired, because ultimately I think it will help me to have more energy and feel better overall.
Back to my run yesterday. I laid out my running clothes the night before so that getting out the door would be a path of little resistance and I did make it out the door. I jogged on legs that felt out of shape, on shoes that need to be replaced, and in a sports bra that is too small. After about 10 minutes I walked, picked up jogging after some walking, walked again a bit later, and finally jogged the final stretch home. I was breathing hard, much harder than I used to for such a short duration, and I certainly didn't feel light and fit like I used to. I wasn't able to get into the "zone" of being able to focus on anything other than how much I wasn't enjoying my run.
My first run back after a break always sucks and I know this. I know that I just have to keep going and it'll get much easier every time. In September my goal is to run at least once a week and my bigger goal is to run a 12K in December.
So. I went on a run yesterday and it totally sucked. But it's a start, which is why I could smile for the picture.