A Glimmer of Balance

Being Awake at 2:43 AM is the WorstBest


Guys, Dashiell is totally dominating us at night. He is tiny but mighty. Little Dude sleeps to ocean sounds and has to be swaddled with his arms pinned to his sides because otherwise he does not have the arm control to not smack himself in the face throughout the night and yet he is dominating us. We seem to be caught in an unfortunate phase (I use "phase" because that means it will end at some point) in which he's waking up every hour. Well played, baby. Did I mention he toots uncontrollably in his diaper? Yet...total domination.

After I nurse him (because even though it's only been an hour and a half between feedings he is HANGRY) and rock him in the glider to be sure he is OUT I ever so carefully transfer him to his crib. This involves standing STRAIGHT UP from the glider so as not to change his angle even one degree (so this is what all those spin classes have been preparing my quads for!) and then leaning way over his crib to put him down. But of course no matter how I try one part of him seems to tumble from my arms and he starts to stir. Dang it! But I just watch him to see if he settles...and he seems to. So I go get a drink of water and come back to check on him. I tip toe into his room to find...the opposite of a sleeping baby. He's wiggly and his little bundle of swaddled legs are going UP! DOWN! UP! DOWN! and with his adorable open mouth grin and shining eyes he's all "Oh hi! Hi! Are we hanging out?! I missed you!". And so even though I'm thinking "Nooooooo!" it's so freakin cute and makes me laugh. He is soooo not sleeping it's comical. And repeat.

Also, only sleeping for an hour at a time makes you have weird dreams. I think it was during the restive hour I spent sleeping betweehn 1:13 AM and 2:26 AM this morning I dreamt that two roommates I had got in a knife fight and hurt this young kid (seriously, where is this coming from?!) and I was so worried about this kid and saying, "My baby, my baby". I woke up and heard little whimpers from Dash and could not get to his room fast enough to scoop that little burrito up and snuggle him.

And even though these nights have been so so hard I know that literally I will blink and he'll be a gangly teenager who does NOT need to be held by his mama and I'll think back to these nights with teary nostalgia eyes and say to Chris, "Remember when he was teeny and we had to get up wtih him at night. I miss that."

So when I hear Dash crying for the fifth time in a night it's sort of the worstbest.

Also, this:


I die.